Today I sit here snuggling Allie Page who has brand new  pj's for jammie day at school tomorrow.  My boys are exempt and were home by themselves today and did not kill each other or burn the house down so that is good.  I love Christmas, but I used to love it so much more.  Its so busy and crowded everywhere you go.  It's like suddenly everyone is on edge and stressed out and pushy.  I have been feeling like I am walking on eggshells in most of the places I go to.  Family is an entirely different issue.  This year, they are not speaking to them until they make amends.  Them isn't speaking to they because they just can't take any more of it.  These other folks haven't spoken to these folks for the last 16 years, they aren't about to start today. Which means, we get to have 4 different Christmas's yes, FOUR.  And we all live within 15 miles of each other.  I know we are not alone, just reading all of the posts and things on FB. 

The other problem I have is my birthday.  It is the 10th of December and I hardly get to see my bestest of friends because I recently changed jobs.  And so, when 3 of my close friends want to take me on an all day shopping spree and lunch last Sunday, I had a great time, but came home to a grouchy husband.  Then I have another 2 friends that are wanting to get together for a b-day lunch but when I mentioned it to my husband, he rolled his eyes and said, "Whatever, we don't need you around here anyway."  So long story short, it is hard to enjoy the season when one of the grouchy, busy, pushy and stressed out people is your own spouse.  I better start getting back into the Word of God and getting down on my knees and praying so that what others' do and say no longer affects how I feel about the season we celebrate God's greatest gift of all - Our Lord Jesus who was born in a manger.  Sometimes, a girl just has to vent a little.

We have been chosen in our hometown to be the Grand Marshall's of the Christmas parade.  The kids are pumped about throwing candy out of a truck bed. A friend of mine and her husband had banners made that have the picture of the book on them.  They are beautiful.  She said she was going to help me with the signs for the parade, but I was thinking cardboard, glue and glitter.  Such a sweet surprise to see my children's faces on a banner, so large, I can scarcely fit it into a picture on my camera.  I took the girls and Adam to Chili's tonight - I just didn't feel like cooking. On the way home, we had a sing-a-long (all four of us) to that song, "just the way you are".  I just felt completely happy. Those moments are fleeting - happiness, pure happiness like that.  Some friends of ours got us an elf on the shelf.  Her name is Crystal.  She made us breakfast yesterday morning to which the three who still believe in Santa were completely amazed by.  "How did she open the donuts? the milk?", "where did she get the plates, the cups?" Then they started to ask her for bigger favors like "can you put Christmas lights on our house?" I thought, Oh Lord, I have really started something here.  I had her in the bathroom the first night and Adam refused to go in there.  He said, "mom, she is creeping me out." He is so funny. Emma has learned how to do three cartwheels in a row.  Poor Allie is trying to master one, but her cartwheel relies on only one hand, so often she falls and hurts her wrist, or her feet.  I cut the girls' hair tonight and it looks extremely cute.  They love it, and Adam couldn't tell them apart.  I am literally, typing this as Emma is singing Christmas Carols and Allie is rolling around on the floor trying to make herself dizzy.  What a Wonderful Life I have!

I didn't do the countdown of to Thanksgiving "things I am thankful for so here goes a short list: I am thankful for my children, my spouse, my mother and father, my sisters and brother-in-laws and my nieces and nephews, my cousins, my friends, my coworkers, my employers, my students. I am also thankful for rain, sunshine, snow and clouds. I am thankful for my salvation, Jesus and His word and His promises.  I am thankful for good health and the ability to get out of bed every morning and go to work.  I am thankful for flowers, italian food and especially chocolate.  I am thankful for sweet tea and Dr. Pepper.  I am thankful for the chicken enchilada casserole at the Pink House and the pumpkin Cheesecake at the Olive Garden.  I am thankful for knowledgeable and caring Doctors and nurses.  I am thankful for the freedom to worship where I choose.  I am thankful for balloons, rubik's cubes, squishy balls and office supply stores.  I am thankful for clean sheets and a mopped floor, clean dishes and a pantry full of food.  I am thankful that I never have to worry about anything, because God always provides for us. I am thankful for 100.9 KXOJ so that I can listen to praise and worship music anytime I want.  I am thankful for a church and a church family who love and take care of me.  I am thankful for fuzzy pajama pants, and loose fitting t-shirts with v-necks.  I am thankful for every animal from the largest elephant and whale to the tiny guinea pig and lady bug.  I know it seems like a lot, but that is just my short list.  God has blessed me beyond anything I could have ever imagined.

I sit here this Sunday evening feeling very thankful.  Thanksgiving came and went with way too much family drama.  However, I am so thankful that I was not a contributing part of it.  I have learned in my life that keeping my mouth shut, is much more valuable than opening it.  In fact, I am getting much better at it as I age. I got to teach Sunday School this morning, I am in charge of "games".  We played several games, all focused on the promises of God.  God never breaks his promises.  As humans, we have a tendency to break promises, even though that was never our intent. It is funny, the other thing I am getting really good at is apologizing. When God first put it upon my heart to apologize to co-workers who had been just nasty to me throughout the years, I was like - WHAT? "They need to apologize to me, they have been so nasty to me".  God put upon my heart that even though they had been nasty and hateful and hurtful that it was my duty as a Christian to apologize first to them.  I have to admit, when they were nasty to me, I got nasty right back.  Most recently, God put it upon my heart to apologize to one of my former employers.  This employer basically had me in tears at least once a week.  Of course, as usual, when she was nasty to me, I got nasty right back.  And so, with all of the strength that God gave me (could never have done it on my own), I called her up and apologized.  Funny, every time I have apologized to someone who has been horrible to me, they cannot seem to say "I forgive you". I wonder what that is about? ? ? . . . . . Maybe they are too busy thinking, "should I apologize too?" Maybe they are thinking, has she lost her marbles. LOL!  At any rate, every time I apologize to someone who is clearly lost in this world, God gives me a peace about it.  It's like well - Deb - you did your part, the rest is between them and God.  And it is, like family drama and conflict, each person feels that they have been wronged.  It is likely that each one has at one time or another over the course of several years.  At any rate, if even one person thought, "yeah, they have been horrible to me my entire life, but you know, I will apologize and the rest is between them and God." I wonder what our Christmas family get together would be like.  Hmmmmmm.

They showed my testimony this morning at church and I had 3 people come up and hug me and tell me how much it meant to them.  Somehow it seemed while I was talking that I was rambling, but God took it and made it flow very well. Allie had kind of a rough day on Friday.  Of course, I was at a workshop in Norman Oklahoma.  The school nurse called me and told me that she had been repeating herself.  In fact she asked the para to "look at my little pencil" at least 15 times that day.  They were thinking that perhaps she was forgetting that she had already said it.  I contacted Stanford who said they could order an MRI for her, or we could just keep an eye on it.  She has been doing well here at the house, I haven't seen any repeating herself.  I have been studying to take my Algebra II/Geometry test on Saturday.  This is so that I can teach my special kiddos Algebra I and Geometry in my own classroom.  Some of them really need a smaller class size and more one on one, so I am doing it for them.  I can honestly tell you that I thought I might have a clue what I am doing since I have had 12 weeks of Algebra I, Algebra II and Geometry this year.  But when I looked at the sample test I felt like a complete idiot.  Matrices, logarithyms, formulas I have never seen before that use exclamation points.  Good grief, not sure I will pass this one.  I will give it a shot though and let God do the rest.  I know I seem to rely on Him a lot, but it is all I know how to do.  There is only so much I can do and I can control in this world - the rest is completely up to Him.  Got to enjoy some time with friends on Saturday at an OU game.  It was time well spent and desperately needed. Girls day out!

I gave my testimony on being a witness tonight on videotape to be shown at the 9:45 service at church.  I do talk about God and what He has done for me all the time.  I offer to pray for and with people I work with and friends.  I have called people who were continually horrible to me and asked them to forgive ME, thinking that is what Jesus would want me to do. I am not perfect, I would love to say that people can see Jesus in me all the time, but I know that isn't true.  I make mistakes, and sometimes those mistakes are very hard to take back.  Sometimes, my anger gets the best of me and I in effect feel like I lose my witness in that.  My book "Gifts of Grace" tells our story, my family's story.  The blessings and struggles of life with four children with special needs.  Were there both heroes and villains in the story - - - - YES. They are in every story.  There were people that made our journey very difficult, and people who made our journey so much easier through their words or their actions.  There were MANY more good folks who supported us and who would have done anything for us.  But, as we are human, there were also people who intentionally or unintentionally made it difficult in one way or another.  It is my prayer that the book "Gifts of Grace" is a positive witness for Christ.  That it shows how much you can endure when you have faith, stay in prayer, and allow God to take complete control and give you strength when you have absolutely none left.

I am sitting here tonight, finding myself thankful. I am counting my blessings and am at peace.  Allie is doing well this week at school.  The extra hour we gain at the end of daylight savings time helps.  The reporter and photographer that came out to the house on Wednesday did an amazing job writing about our family and the blessings and struggles we encounter every day.  Of course, the children were on their best behavior while they were here.  For that I am thankful, but is sure doesn't give them the entire picture.  Literally, from the time Brennan wakes in the morning, until his head hits the pillow he is using all of his tricks to make the other three crazy.  If Brennan happens to turn in early, Adam takes over and drives the girls completely bananas.  Two nights in a row, I have found myself holding 2 screaming beligerent girls who were absolutely furious at their brother.  Tonight things are quieter, eerily more quiet as I am able to blog.  I am about 800.00 short of being able to pay myself back from all of the publishing costs of my book.  That in itself is a miracle.  I have purchased another hundred books that I already have about 30 people on a wait list for them in addition to a book signing in Broken Arrow.  God has blessed our family way beyond anything we could have possibly imagined.  Yes, we have had our share of absolute heartache, but in return he has given us a stronger faith in Him and a love for the things which are most important in life.  In church on Sunday, I lit a candle for pawpaw Ken who passed away in 2007.  As I lit the candle, the lady standing behind the table started to cry.  She said, "I knew I would cry when I saw you. I read your book and was so incredibly blessed by your story that I just have to give you a hug".  This my friends, is what is most important in life . . . . . people.