Friday, October 26, 2012
I have a whopping 3 softback books left. I have a family reunion tomorrow and I am praying that only 3 family members will want one - yeah like that is going to happen. At any rate, the book is out and everyone who has read it has been blessed by it. That was and continues to be my prayer. There were years when I was tormented by the illness of my daughter, the challenges that my other three children faced. I have to say, it was almost impossible to balance my ability to be an advocate with my ability to be polite and civil to those who were not doing right by my children. It is a regret that I have that I could not balance it better. I was under a great deal of stress, day in and day out. I lived with the strokes, the fights, the autism, the everyday struggles that my children were fighting. I lived and continue to live like that mama bear that rears up when something or someone tries to threaten their ability to be successful. It has come to my attention that in the process of advocating for my children I have hurt the feelings of people, I had no intention of hurting. I wasn't working "against" them, I was working "for" my children. At any rate, it is with a heavy heart that I write this for these individuals refuse to have anything to do with the book. They regard it as negative, an attack, a betrayal. I wrote it to be a blessing, uplifting, inspiring, intended to bring one closer to God, strengthen their faith. I wrote it to bring compassion to those who do not have children with special needs and for those who do to relate to us, to know they are not alone. I pray with all of my heart, that the individuals who refuse to even open a page, who refuse the blessing, will have their heart softened. That those individuals will find compassion for someone who was struggling through a time that was horrific at best. That they would pick up the book and read it, read it and realize it's intent is purely positive, inspirational and spiritual in nature. I pray this with all of my heart. I would hate to think they missed out on this blessing that God has given to me to share with them.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
The book signings are over and I have about 40 books left. I have several friends who still want one from me, it is just trying to get it to them that is problematic. I have no doubt, that God has been glorified through the book. Every person who has read it has been touched by it and it has strengthened their faith in God. It is funny, when I was pregnant with the girls, and wasn't completely sure they were going to make it (they had a 20% chance), I bargained with God. Oh yeah, like you've never done that. LOL. Anyway, I promised him that if he allowed me to hold them, even for only a little while, that I would tell the story to everyone I know so that He would be glorified. After they were born, and I had gotten to hold them, I began to write a short synopsis about my story. A testimony that I was hoping Pastor Ray would let me tell at church. This would fulfill my promise to God. Ha, now that is a funny one. I never did get a chance to tell the short story to the congregation, instead, God had in mind for me to write a book. A book that would reach people all over the country and would give Him the glory for all of my many blessings. Had you told me then that I would ever write a book, I would have laughed hysterically and told you that you were CRAZY. God's plans are often more than we could have ever imagined for ourselves. We need only to follow where He leads us.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
While enjoying Fall Break, I have managed to fit in three book signings. I am nervous. What if no one shows up, what if a lot of people show up. What if I don't sell any books, what if I sell out and don't have enough. Good grief. It is funny, when I wrote it, I honestly had no idea that people would love it so much. Now I find myself worried, that not enough people will get a chance to read it and be blessed by it. I need a press release, I call the publisher and they say sure, no problem, that will be 500.00. So I write my own - yeah right - that's gonna fly. I contact Mardel, Barnes and Noble - apparently it takes an act of congress to get the book into their stores. I bet the publisher could work it out for a fee. Worry, nervous, grief . . . . . . . . . . NOT at all what this is about. I distinctly remember writing it and thinking if it just blesses one person, it will be worth the publishing fees. I remember telling the marketing person that I wasn't worried about marketing the book, that it was God's idea that I write it and God will make sure it gets to the people who need it. Where did that confidence go? Why am I worried about it. Seriously, I am letting it go. I am giving it to Him. After I sell the last of the 75 books I have left, I will have almost paid myself back for the publishing costs. That in itself is way beyond what I ever thought would happen. It has never been my book, it was never my story, it was His story. The story of God putting His loving arms around me and comforting me through times that were at best horrific. Thank you God for making me an instrument for You.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
I find myself delivering my books to friends all over Claremore and Inola. I received all 295 of my books and Allie and I started signing them. Actually, it was quite fun as Emma, Brennan and Adam joined in the signing fun as well. It wasn't all fun and games though - between the signings they had to argue about how many pages were devoted to each one of them and who should sign where and there was Allie in the middle of all of it shouting, "its my book - you all can't sign it." Its the fighting. I know my sister and I fought terrible and my husband and his brother used to hit each other with 2x4s and chase each other with chain saws, but it isn't at all what I expected when I became a mother. Why not? I mean, we fought as kids, why wouldn't mine fight. Well they do, like the dickens. Brennan fights with Adam, Adam fights with Brennan, Adam also fights with Emma, and Brennan fights with Emma, Allie and Adam fight as well and Emma and Allie fight sometimes. The boys, 14 and 11 are able to inflict damage on each other (and my home.) Things are thrown, fists fly and things break. All the while, I am yelling, stop it please stop fighting. It is no use. I have run out of ideas. I supposed it is normal, the fighting. . . . . . but lately it just seems like it is all the time. There just isn't enough of me to go around. A lot of the times, they are fighting over me. Who will sit by mom at the restaurant, whose side mom always takes, who mom loves best . . . . . . It is enough to make a good momma go CRAZY. My sister and I are the best of friends now so maybe . . . . . . . maybe there is hope.